South Africa Buckling Under Massive Monkey Crime Spree

2009-11-30 VB - Baboon
© Bradypus

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Cape Town officials can’t catch a break. First they land in global hot water for World Cup-related mass animal sacrifices. Then they have to go out of their way to promise athletes that they won’t get raped and murdered in the streets. And now they’ve got to deal with a crime wave being conducted by monkeys. We were going to dress up that last sentence and give it a little bit of exaggeration-fueled color, but it is what it is. A crime wave being conducted by monkeys.

The baboons are ransacking cities in organized troupes numbering dozens, complete with gang leaders and even gang nicknames. The head baboon is apparently called “Fred” and – while we don’t have a picture of Fred – we kind of imagine him in a leather mask a la Mad Max. South African officials are trying to “keep them at bay” and failing, confirming that as a simple matter of what words mean, the animals are literally taking over:

City officials are battling to control the increasingly aggressive troupes and there are fears the problem will only worsen with the influx of visitors to Cape Town during the World Cup next year. On Tuesday, a troupe of 29 baboons raided four cars outside Simon’s Town, a small coastal neighborhood. A baboon dubbed “Fred,” the leader of the group, opened unlocked doors and jumped through windows to search for food. He ransacked a bag… A girl screamed nearby as a baboon hopped into her car through a back window. Others climbed on car roofs and hoods, looking for ways inside… “We spend the whole day basically rescuing tourists,” said Mark Duffels, a volunteer who monitors the baboons in an effort to keep them at bay.

This isn’t as bad as the organized monkey campaign in India to murder anti-monkey politicians, but that’s obviously where this is all heading. We’re not saying folks should be heading for the hills, but folks should be heading for the hills.

  1. I’d say, pick out all of the alpha males and shoot ’em. Then when all of the monkey’s give birth and raise them. shoot ’em too. The only other thing I can think of is to neuter all of the males and spay all of the females. It may take time, but I can’t think of anything else to do. Maybe people are the cause. We love to procreate too. Then we have nowhere to go, no real jobs, then we go on crime spree’s too.
    Prove me wrong.

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