UK Guiness Heiress On Trial For Being All Kinds Of Hot Mess On Flight With Two Year Old

© slushpup

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First of all, yes we did find this story through our normal squeaky-clean travel news feeds and you should be ashamed of yourselves for thinking otherwise.

More importantly, how awesome is this delicate flower’s excuse to the judge? She had “maybe four or five” glasses of wine but was still completely in control of her faculties, despite the opium someone overheard her talking about. Opium would make sense as a way to relax around her two year old, we suppose, since two year olds are notoriously terrible:

Clare Irby, a member of the Guinness brewing dynasty, was flying from Bangalore on Kingfisher Airlines on 26 March when the incident occurred. Captain Vivek Sondhi told jurors Ms Irby, who was with her son, aged two, was “on the verge of being dangerous”. Ms Irby, 30… denies being drunk on an aircraft. She told the court that she had drunk “maybe four or five” glasses of red wine on the flight but was only “tipsy”… Another flight attendant, Arpita Mehra, said: “She was busy with the guest sitting behind her. “They were having a conversation and getting personal with each other and the child was crying. “The man was leaning forward and grabbing hold of her breast and they were kissing each other.”

The actual charges involve getting a touch abusive with the flight attendants, though that’s pretty much the least entertaining part of the writeup.

You really have to click through to understand this story in all its multifaceted classiness. Suffice to note the word “G-string” makes an appearance in the lede and Ms. Irby claims to have changed her clothes mid-flight to “protect her dignity.” Quote. Unquote.

  1. Poor kid, despite how terrible he was being, I think if I was on a cramped flight with my mom, and she was slammin back the vino like it was goin out of style, floowed by getting strangers to feel her up, well, crying just seems like a natural response to a situation like that. lol. Ouch.

  2. Nice writing. Funny article.

    However, I was displeased to see your writer as a self described misanthrope.

    It somehow skews his credibility and confirms the cynical voice I thought I heard from the onset.

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