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New York City tavern owner Paul Hurley, in an scientific and moral achievement that will net him at least a couple of Nobels, has created the perfect solution to interminable hliday dinners. These are either dinners with relatives who are on the other side of the war against fun or relatives with children or relatives who are awkward or just relatives in general. Hurley has – wait for it – infused a holiday turkey with 100-proof vodka:
A spokesman for the owner of O’Casey’s Tavern in Midtown Manhattan said that the bird is infused with fruit-flavored and 100-proof Georgi vodka for three days before being cooked. The flavors of vodka include peach, raspberry, cherry and apple.
Granted we’re against even the hint of flavored vodka – good vodka is tasteless vodka, by definition – but you don’t meddle with eccentric genius of this caliber. The gravy is obviously also infused with distilled liquor, both as a matter of sheer mathematical elegance and because you don’t want heavy sauces soaking up the alcohol. That just wouldn’t make any sense. The price customers will be expected to pay for this monumental achievement has yet to be disclosed. Joking aside, it’s probably going to be at least a little bit expensive – New York tavern plus expensive alcohol plus novelty value.
Also joking aside, it’ll still be being cheaper than putting your mother-in-law up in a hotel, which is how Holiday Inn is suggesting people stay sane in Britain this year. They’re even offering customers discounts if they can prove it’s actually their mother in law that’s getting sequestered. Oh, to have that kind of innovation on our side of the pond.